Good Deeds

Saw Tyler Perry's movie Good Deeds. I recommend it. At the end my neighbor Mary said something to me, because I was a bit like the struggling single mother in the film, and I just wept... Because I had a flashback to when I was homeless and spent a winter sleeping in my car. I wish someone like the man in the movie would come rescue me, but alas it's a fairy tale- another Cinderella story-I enjoyed the dream though.

How do they do it?

I look at street artists work...such as this Flickr photostream of French artist Christian Guémy aka C215 ....

...and I'm blown away by the amount of work they've been able to create in their life time and the amount of traveling they've done to make a presence with their art around the world.  It makes me feel so small, weak, and useless.  It makes me upset that I've been plagued by so many health problems for the majority of my life, and how that takes a toll on my financial stability--how I have to work harder than most to make less to get by.  Maybe I should be upset that I'm not a man?  Because a healthy man can travel the globe and get by without certain accommodations that I wouldn't be able to.  Today, I feel like shit.  Headache and then some.  I napped and I feel nauseous.  My insides are burning.  My mind wants to do so much, my body doesn't always cooperate.  $ is not there and bankruptcy is likely around the corner.  I wish I could lead a life of creativity.  I wish I could live a life of love.  I wish I could make an impact.  I wish I didn't have health problems.  But here I am in my pajamas feeling like shit.  Feeling small.  Feeling powerless.

boo hoo

We all have our days, so I'm not going to apologize for my whining.  I will say...I am not jealous (maybe envious) of C215, in fact I admire him and the many others who do what he does.  I'm grateful for the Internet and photography, so that I can be the arm chair traveler.  But shit damn...I've lived through so much and I just feel like I need to do something HUGE!

A Girl Gotta Do What a Girl Gotta Do!

Oh haven't I said that a lot in my life time!

I can't spend a lot of time whining about the tragedies, hardships, injustices and other struggles in my life--though perhaps I should spend a little time describing some of the former, or how will people begin to comprehend or identify if I don't?  But, I can't.  I am so much like a Vietnam Vet.  It's painful to relive some of these things--near maddening.  So...onward I press!

I am currently without a job for a few months.  I have too much debt after my year with breast cancer and the snowball effect of car troubles that followed.  I have a prick of a brother who took control of all my father's assets, blah blah blah.  No family nor partner to support me.  So...onward I press!

I've always been industrious.  I'll say it again:

A GIRL GOTTA DO WHAT A GIRL GOTTA DO!

Shy of selling my body or drugs...I do what I can, when I can, with what energy I have to try to make a buck here and there.  I'm nickel and dime'n it through life.  I'm making little cactus/succulent gardens & terrariums--Lucky 7 Gardens--though the expense is higher than the return so far.  I'm trying to get my art out there--my photography book In the Bedroom is now available as an ebook!  And now...I'm trying to sell some clothes off my back (well, my closet) on a website based out of London.  It's proven to be extremely time consuming.  There was the time spent photographing my models, and then days of doing photo facials and other editing to the images.  Then, and entire day--yes, entire day--just to get one entire outfit posted on the site!  phew  I hope I can narrow down the time spent on this process as I go along.  I hope it pays off.

Here are a few images and a link to my collection at asos Marketplace:   ArtistCG's collection

A couple of the outfits I will have to reshoot :( because though I thought I read all there was to read about the requirements, I didn't see that you could only have one person per photo until I went to list the items.  Chasity & Que sure look adorable in the shots of them together, so they'll be happy to have them anyway--and I like them too!  :)

Matter of Fact

You read it here 1st!  I've yet to post this on Writers Cafe or the Almost Dead Poets Society on FB.  I performed it only twice--once at Red Lotus Gallery in Muskegon for Open Mic--and most people in the place were stoned outta their minds & suffering from short term memory loss, so I seriously doubt anyone grasped it.  The next time was for an audience of 2 at the Avant Garde 2434.  It's lengthy--7 1/2 minutes for me to recite.  But still...it's full of some current events that trouble me, compacted in what I call nutshell version.  So, even though it's lengthy, much more could be said on the topics.  Lemme know what you think, cuz I'm contemplating making a video of this spoken word piece.

Here it here it go:

Matter of Fact

My heart skips beats / pounds

The apex of my heart feels pain / physically / metaphorically

It needs some things to change

It might cease to beat / before things do

Haters won’t help

But will you?

I'm burning from the inside out

Frankenstein resurrected me / abandoned me 

But I'm still here walkin this earth 

Where else I'm supposed to be?

As smart as I am / I ain't got the answers

I'm just askin the questions / gonna have u askin too

Til enough people do... the white upper class is gonna rule 

We gotta ask / we gotta do / we the meek 

We wanna inherit the earth- don’t we ya'all? 

Cuz we sho ain't gonna inherit our share 

That's my brother's role / my brother / the family thief

My brother who don’t care 

Emptied daddy’s bank  / stepped over Uncle’s rank

Changed will / collectin signatures from an elderly man under hospital sheets

Nursing home unaware of his deceit

Collectin pension checks he ain’t earned / money on a house that ain’t his

Took daddy’s Cadillac too

But hey...I got one too! / Paid cash for mines

because I work! / with an ailing body / a determined mind

It's the greedy / the 1% / the white bureaucracy

Tryin to play the rest of us like puppets 

But I was born from the same daddy prick

And I got karma on my side / and my people / we 

The generational divide / the rainbow coalition 

The yellow / brown / black & tan

Furry and feathered too

We gonna take care of Mother Nature 

Gonna come after you like tsunami / Global 

Warming you 

The apex of my heart feels pain / physically / metaphorically 

It needs some things to change

It might cease to beat / before things do

My brother won't help 

But will you? 

Wish I could get past all these should be adults

Quick sand / suckin down / drinkin much

supportin little / not even theyselves 

In a woulda been man / instead of a clone, canned / sittin

Just sittin / like a teenager / in a wasted land

Barkin angry tones / directed at angels / angels just restin

When u shoulda been payin more attention to ur demons / bitin

Bitin at ur feet / cripplin ur capacity to walk / upright

Like a homo sapiens / homo erectus 

Hell...nothin stands erect

Nothin functions normally

In dat up/down, in/out, high/low 

Serotonin droppin / dopamine excitin...but fewer poppin

No receptors to grab a hold of either / neither

Sho can’t grab a hold of me

Move me past them universe / shift 

If I can't save them, let me drift

Cuz they are stuck in strife 

And me / I / I’m tryin to keep movin thru this life 

They ain’t got a penny / ain’t payin they child support 

Don't wanna work / refuse to be re•spon•si•ble

Collectin from our f'd up gov / swallowin all my syll•a•bles

Our gov / where the rich get richer / the poor can’t find they way

The workin class / head spinnin / from all they seen 

Can't afford to eat / pockets are too lean

The drinkin / druggin / non-productive / fools

Tradin they EBT for what they owe on the street 

They ain’t got a penny / but they wanna eat

They wanna see / what I can do with my million dollar hands 

Top or bottom they wanna receive 

Top or bottom they don't give 

Step off my platform you lost boys

I’m tryin to live!

The apex of my heart feels pain / physically / metaphorically 

It needs some things to change

It might cease to beat / before things do

These lost boys won't help

But will u? 

Goin to church / but where's the morals?

Thieves / killers / robbin people of they dollahs

Snatchin the life of they loved ones

Mamas with nothin left to do but holla

I wanna breed compassion 

But where do I start? 

To insight this change / to rearrange 

The lost souls / they know not what they do???

Know not what to do / with they disadvantaged / or

Too privileged life

But they go to church

They preach God  & Bible / but they never read a book

Matter of fact 

Some of their mission is of misogyny

Matter of fact

they use their religion to promote their patriarchy / to abuse

To be homophobic / to hate

To start wars / to make excuses

For what they do and do not do

God...is their scapegoat / when they fight or steal / to get a new logo’d coat or kicks

whatever the media says is the top picks

It's all about things / guns / thugs / white collar mug

Red / Blue

Republican / Democrat / or

Bloods / Crips

all of ‘em on some Jesus trip, but they still takin sides / loyal to clicks

But where is their compassion? 

The apex of my heart feels pain / physically / metaphorically 

It needs some things to change

It might cease to beat / before things do

God’s children won’t help

But will you?

I'm different / but u & me...we r the same 

And I need a crusader

Unity in diversity / I'm delivering it / to u 

Eat it / taste it / spit it / repeat it 

Save our earth / save our animals / save our people 

Tell those 1% to vacate they high throne 

Cuz those mortgage lenders took ½ a trillion in 0% loans / from our 

Federal Reserve 

But won’t reduce the interest rate for those working / and leave them / Foreclosed

Black men / you are not as one dimensional as the media / including BET /

have made you out to be 

You got to turn the tide / you got to deliver some powerful messages

Don't let the white man buy ur soul 

Use ur time on the mic wisely / don’t reduce yourself

to an illusion of control

Re-write our history

Will you?

Cuz I got a pain in the apex of my heart

I'm The ArtistCG 

And this Is my poetry

Evolution / in progress 

Follow the Money

"Exploiting people of color is very common. Empowering them and their communities does not seem to be." from Follow the Money - Arts

The high school I attended in Pontiac, MI didn't have a yearbook (except for a cheap one my graphics arts teacher helped us print up), didn't have sports, and didn't have a prom. These programs are often missing where they are needed most--for a child/teenager/human being to thrive.  Pontiac Central High School no longer exists.  My city has been ravaged by poverty, drugs, gangs, violence, and lack of proper support.  Check out the brief article at the above link, and consider watching the film Thrive--though there are some parts that are a little aloof, it's enlightening.

Follow the money ... it's very distressing.  I've been told "you're too smart for your own good", and oh how true that feels sometimes.  I've learned more about the big bankers than I've been comfortable with since I've been fighting to get my mortgage interest lowered for almost 2 years now.  My original lender was Mortgage Max, then it was sold to Washington Mutual, then to Wells Fargo--and they are one of the top handful of banks who received 1/2 of a trillion $$$ from the Federal Reserve at a 0% interest rate, but don't abide by the Make Your Home Affordable program  and lower the interest rate to those struggling to keep their homes.  They claim a paper from a year prior is missing my address, and other ludicrous excuses shower in, hoping a person will just give up or die.  I feel powerless, often helpless, with the extremes that surround me.  It's not simply that I'm sad about my own struggles with health problems and how that affects my ability to earn enough to meet my basic needs, but when I think about my community...the economy of Michigan, of the United States, and the global effects of poverty resulting from the deeds of the greedy...I become heart sick.  

Just so u know...our economy is not in trouble because of a President who is either red or blue, but because of the big banks. We are enslaved to the spell of the wealthiest 1%.  They essentially rule the world.  As with slavery, it didn't originate here, but it gets cultivated here.  Change can also occur here...awareness is the beginning to insight change.  Here's a timeline to educate yourself further:  Follow the Money - Banking History  "This timeline shows the pattern of American Presidents being assassinated after challenging central bankers and their monopoly on money, and the Federal Reserve’s artificial creation of booms and busts that causes people to lose their jobs, homes, and retirements, while the bankers further consolidate wealth and control."  Sounds like Mafia of the highest order to me.  

I don't have the answers, but I sure know how to ask the questions! 

I welcome your comments and your activism!

Miss Grand Rapids Blog Questions

 I haven't written in this blog in some time, and the wheels in my mind are in constant motion trying to decide how to make the most out of my online presence with my art, writing, ideas and thoughts.  

A dear friend and talented writer--Claudia Moss--invited me to read her book and ask her a few questions about her book If You Love Me, Come.  I think this blog is an appropriate spot to share this, and I hope it will encourage you to read her book-and perhaps choose it for a book club, because it is worthy of discussion.

She has dubbed me Miss Grand Rapids, and here are her answers to my questions:

1.     How did you research your characters? Do they have parallel lives with anyone in your life? Miz Too-Sweet is my favorite, because you have her Southern Ebonics down! Her voice makes the novel come to life.

Thank you, Colette!  I love Miz Too-Sweet, also.  She is the glue that binds the other characters together in a web of love, and, ironically, she is in the projects, Techwood Projects, not in the suburbs as are Frenonia Roberts and her sister Rhonda Butler.  Miz Too-Sweet’s wise voice is that of my grandmothers: Pearlie Mae Young and Sophie Mae Moss.  Every summer, as a girl living in Waterbury, Connecticut, I traveled to the South with my family to enjoy a week or more with my grandparents.  I loved the other world nature of their accents, the Southern vernacular, their sayings, their customs and traditions.  And I adore Miz Too-Sweet’s gift to understand the Omniscient voice of the wind.

The novel is a frame story, with Miz Too-Sweet’s voice beginning and ending the tale.  In the Southern tradition, storytelling is a sacred pastime, allowing for a special bonding between family members.  It separated the storytellers from the audience.  You were honored in an unspoken way, if you could captivate your listener for hours on the power of your creative vibe, elocution and choice of words and sounds!

No, I didn’t have to research the characters in If You Love Me, Come.  They sprang from the creative space within, from a Stillness, from my fertile memory, and in a few instances from actual people I have known.

As for parallel lives, in the novel Pastoria (my maternal grandfather’s mother’s name) passes her baby to its father and asks that they go their separate ways, same as did one of my sister’s friends.  I couldn’t stop thinking about how such a thing impacts the mother, the child, the father and the person nurturing the baby.  Considering I was a young mother who prayed long and hard to conceive, I was in awe, witnessing such a mother/child experience.  Bittersweet, it was a perfume I couldn’t wash away!

2.     You definitely understand, and communicate so well, how many women feel on so many levels through your characters. Do you think this is a novel about our female, human condition?

Thank you, again!  Yes, ma’am, this is a novel about the female and how her world evolves with and without certain experiences, how she can change her circumstances by changing her mind, how other women living their lives can empower those who aren’t living theirs to the fullest and how they must stare fear in the eyes in order to live life more richly.  Writing this, I can almost hear Helen Reddy belting out the unforgettable line: “I’m Every Woman; she’s all in me.”

I think the story speaks to the female condition globally.  No matter what language we speak or where we were born or whatever our customs, we are yet the glue of society, reminding me that a society can be no greater than how it treats its women.

3.     The class differences are prevalent throughout your story. How does this come to shape our perceptions of not only your characters, but of our own attitudes toward those who fall into a different class from whom we are unaccustomed to having contact? In other words, what would you like the reader to take away from this as a lesson, or awakening, about class differences?

A sumptuous question this is, Colette!  Love it!  I want readers to walk away from the story with a different perspective on class.  I want them to question their preconceived notions of others from a class different from themselves, realizing that class is a society-imposed barrier that signifies your household income is different from another’s, and as such, your experiences are different.  You may have been able to travel to Greece, where as others may have had to settle for reading about Greece.  I want readers to be thankful for their experiences, whatever they were or are, and be open and willing to embrace people for who they are, not for the wealth they or their families might possess.

We are one.  And as souls cloaked in the human experience, I think we should defy the strictures of tradition whenever we can, and walk out on the waves of sisterhood and brotherhood to unwrap the gifts of our Present Moments.

4.     How important is it to you for the reader to have an understanding of the lesbian romance within the story? It almost seems to be a secondary story within the story of class and family struggles, but I could be wrong. Am I?

That is a pivotal question to understanding more about the story and the author.  As a lesbian, I think it’s very important to have readers encounter lesbians in the midst of a story about family and class struggles.  I want lesbians to be as ordinary as heterosexuals between the pages of a novel or in a social setting or at our family dinner tables.  No one in society is meant to be invisible, and if society and that group persist on invisibility for some, as in “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” then that will constitute the longer it will take for society at large to accept that lesbians and gays are souls having a human experience as well.  The world is an immense flower garden, and how much beauty would it miss if all of us were tulips?

Slowly, physically, I was creaking open the closet door when I began writing If You Love Me, Come.  In a magical way, I loved myself out of obscurity by coming out, to a certain extent, in the pages of my story, and thereby, my lesbian romance appears as a secondary plot, but for me, at the time, it was major.  Perhaps that is why I claimed myself wholly, as a lesbian, later, in the throes of my erotica published in several anthologies.

5. In what context are the male character references important to this story? Miz Too-Sweet says, "Then outside of his chile support, he died to me that day, and I been heedful of how a lap sits ever since." I love the wisdom that spews out of her! I just want to know what your intent as the author is concerning men. Is there a message that we can be strong without them?

I absolutely love your questions, Lady Poet.  My sole intent with the male characters that people the story is to show that, like the women, we are the result of the choices that we make on this journey called life.  Some of the male characters make choices that devalue and degrade their female counterparts, as with Miz Too-Sweet and several suitors she’d experienced in her deep-South past.  Yet, conversely, she finds a man she can adore in her present husband, Mr. Will.  She dotes on him.  He is the center of her world.  She makes certain he is fed when she tips out to visit with Pinkey, and she considers Preacher, a mute neighbor, as a part of her extended family in Techwood.

“J.T.,” Junior Thomas, Free’s man, is a dynamic character, changing over the course of the novel.  Raised listening to his grandfather’s dictum about a man being able to control his woman, J.T. bows to being the sort of man who looks admiringly at women dressed in sexy attire, sexy attire he doesn’t want Free to style, and when she calls the matter to his attention, it sparks a string of arguments leading to Free walking away.

Meka Rae, the beautiful model on the novel’s cover, vouchsafed to me that J.T. was her favorite character, because he eventually understood what it meant to love another, to love a woman.  He learns that you cannot change another person; you can only change self.

Thank you for sharing my story with your readers, Colette!  I sincerely appreciate you on many levels.