Untitled as of yet

a poem by Colette
written the eve of May 16, 2012

I just wish he would talk to me

Guess they got married

Not something I could do

            No

I’d fall apart from the memories

            that would fill the sacred space

Between me              and            you

My black cat knows my soul

            is drifting

And he brings me a ball

            and cries out                        until

I am brought back to my land of today

            Crying

Hoping tomorrow will bring me luck

I’m just doing what I always do...

            entertaining

I’m still the jester

            puttin’ on the smiles for anyone

and everyone

who wants to collect some

    But it’s yours that I miss

and you look into my eyes

            only through a picture

and instantly mine fill with tears

            of the yesterdays I can’t correct

                 of the today that is still missing you

   of the tomorrow where I will be

            smiling            laughing

     but still longing

for the day I can hear your voice

            again

and feel at peace

SKIN DEEP

a poem by Colette

Victorious in battle

            that’s what my name means.

but I keeps it clean

Got on that cancers saddle

            rode it / told it             Get Gone!

Harnessed the ability to not only survive

            but thrive

Got on the list of Deans

            Triple degree education

Living / Dying / Trying            Since I was 17

            and before

it seems

It doesn’t matter if you’re secular

            singular / plural

Christian / Buddhist / Monk / skunk

            Black / White

punk

Muslim / Jewish / blue-ish

We’re All Just Bones

            and in the root of our bone marrow

not alone

We’re all connected.

Golden Goddess

I am honored to be featured on my friend & writer Claudia Moss's blog A Golden Life
She interviewed me about my poetry and included 3 of my poems.
Click on the link and feel free to give her or me some feedback!

WRITE ON!!!

Facebook proposal

ahh that FB...it's fun.  it's great to keep in touch with peeps near and far, to multi-task on, to get in touch with peeps from the past (my childhood babysitter, my former sister-in-law, etc)--it's a great way to reconnect and to connect.

speaking of connecting...i got a recent marriage proposal on there.  it went like this in the chat:
"you should marry me"

haha!

I told him I'd consider it.  This is how I got my last boyfriend--from a FB chat.  What a joke.   It was a joke, he asked me to be his gf, I said yes, and we changed our relationship status.  Girls didn't waste any time posting ignorant stuff on his wall like "you left some clothes at my house" etc.  haha  I didn't give a F.  I didn't engage in the drama.  What a joke.  And what was a joke, turned out to be a joke...if you get my pun.  Ah, I dunno, for those who don't know me, the more you read what I write, the more you'll get my sense of humor when I'm being punny.   Our longest conversation was that initial FB chat.  Later, there was an occasion where he talked for 5 hours, but I can't call this a conversation, because I never really got to talk.  I'd say something like I have a lot from my past that I need someone to share it with too, and I have feelings that need to be heard.  He tried telling me some bs of how he knows...hell no, he don't know.  But he sure wanted me to know all his bs.  mercy.  I'm not hatin', cuz the way I am, I still care about him and everyone else I encounter--just can't be his gf that's all!

Here's a poem that came out of the short adventure:

Swerve

Your talk / fanciful view of a famous future

while you puff, puff your days, weeks, years / lifetime away

your intensity /your anger / your disrespect

Some of your negativity will simmer in the crock-pot of my mind

Your behavior, misogynistic ways, gave me the equivalent of food poisoning

As we osculated

lips meeting / hands grasping

one would feed, the other eat

You took the role of hunter / I, the doe-eyed girl

Of course, it’s natural for a predator to lure with food

It’s natural for a fawn to graze

Though you never anticipated the prey to dodge your bullets

with such exquisite precision—did you?

I can be lured / I need to eat / but,

I can’t be caught / and I won’t cower

When an aggressive voice rants, I might whimper / a few times

It’s a deceptive trait I’ve polished—like chipmunks who play dead

I allow you to prove yourself to be a good human  / not one who wishes me harm

A human who’s been wronged / but trying to make right

I silently observe your actions / your reactions / while

I remain calm

After repeat scenarios, however, where the trap gets set

starts to close with a gnarly bite / when I approach with diminutive grandeur

carrying flowers /delivering rose petal baths

driving Mr. Dickweed

My prowess flourishes / my lion’s mane stands proud

I am a shape shifter

and I don’t fuck around.

I don’t fuck around with humans / messing with my time on this earth

my peace / my energy / because

I need it

to protect what I know to be good and true

I won’t attack / but,

I’ll demonstrate with my assertive strength

there is no room for your aggressive approach

in my lair

I tell you to get out / get movin’

beyond my space

with my mouth / with my eyes

to let you witness my transformation

Cuz you see...just because you were left to raise yourself in the wild

doesn’t give you license to prey upon the innocent

Did you miss out on the lesson
“You catch more bees with honey?”

So, here it is...you may think it all started with a Cherry

but, it ends at Cherry

You spray me with I Love You’s, but like my girl Joyce says....

you are one of those who’s “talking loud, but saying nothing”

and I...

I am one of those who wants a man who drinks water

walks the good walk / and

recognizes a good catch when he sees it

Matter of Fact

You read it here 1st!  I've yet to post this on Writers Cafe or the Almost Dead Poets Society on FB.  I performed it only twice--once at Red Lotus Gallery in Muskegon for Open Mic--and most people in the place were stoned outta their minds & suffering from short term memory loss, so I seriously doubt anyone grasped it.  The next time was for an audience of 2 at the Avant Garde 2434.  It's lengthy--7 1/2 minutes for me to recite.  But still...it's full of some current events that trouble me, compacted in what I call nutshell version.  So, even though it's lengthy, much more could be said on the topics.  Lemme know what you think, cuz I'm contemplating making a video of this spoken word piece.

Here it here it go:

Matter of Fact

My heart skips beats / pounds

The apex of my heart feels pain / physically / metaphorically

It needs some things to change

It might cease to beat / before things do

Haters won’t help

But will you?

I'm burning from the inside out

Frankenstein resurrected me / abandoned me 

But I'm still here walkin this earth 

Where else I'm supposed to be?

As smart as I am / I ain't got the answers

I'm just askin the questions / gonna have u askin too

Til enough people do... the white upper class is gonna rule 

We gotta ask / we gotta do / we the meek 

We wanna inherit the earth- don’t we ya'all? 

Cuz we sho ain't gonna inherit our share 

That's my brother's role / my brother / the family thief

My brother who don’t care 

Emptied daddy’s bank  / stepped over Uncle’s rank

Changed will / collectin signatures from an elderly man under hospital sheets

Nursing home unaware of his deceit

Collectin pension checks he ain’t earned / money on a house that ain’t his

Took daddy’s Cadillac too

But hey...I got one too! / Paid cash for mines

because I work! / with an ailing body / a determined mind

It's the greedy / the 1% / the white bureaucracy

Tryin to play the rest of us like puppets 

But I was born from the same daddy prick

And I got karma on my side / and my people / we 

The generational divide / the rainbow coalition 

The yellow / brown / black & tan

Furry and feathered too

We gonna take care of Mother Nature 

Gonna come after you like tsunami / Global 

Warming you 

The apex of my heart feels pain / physically / metaphorically 

It needs some things to change

It might cease to beat / before things do

My brother won't help 

But will you? 

Wish I could get past all these should be adults

Quick sand / suckin down / drinkin much

supportin little / not even theyselves 

In a woulda been man / instead of a clone, canned / sittin

Just sittin / like a teenager / in a wasted land

Barkin angry tones / directed at angels / angels just restin

When u shoulda been payin more attention to ur demons / bitin

Bitin at ur feet / cripplin ur capacity to walk / upright

Like a homo sapiens / homo erectus 

Hell...nothin stands erect

Nothin functions normally

In dat up/down, in/out, high/low 

Serotonin droppin / dopamine excitin...but fewer poppin

No receptors to grab a hold of either / neither

Sho can’t grab a hold of me

Move me past them universe / shift 

If I can't save them, let me drift

Cuz they are stuck in strife 

And me / I / I’m tryin to keep movin thru this life 

They ain’t got a penny / ain’t payin they child support 

Don't wanna work / refuse to be re•spon•si•ble

Collectin from our f'd up gov / swallowin all my syll•a•bles

Our gov / where the rich get richer / the poor can’t find they way

The workin class / head spinnin / from all they seen 

Can't afford to eat / pockets are too lean

The drinkin / druggin / non-productive / fools

Tradin they EBT for what they owe on the street 

They ain’t got a penny / but they wanna eat

They wanna see / what I can do with my million dollar hands 

Top or bottom they wanna receive 

Top or bottom they don't give 

Step off my platform you lost boys

I’m tryin to live!

The apex of my heart feels pain / physically / metaphorically 

It needs some things to change

It might cease to beat / before things do

These lost boys won't help

But will u? 

Goin to church / but where's the morals?

Thieves / killers / robbin people of they dollahs

Snatchin the life of they loved ones

Mamas with nothin left to do but holla

I wanna breed compassion 

But where do I start? 

To insight this change / to rearrange 

The lost souls / they know not what they do???

Know not what to do / with they disadvantaged / or

Too privileged life

But they go to church

They preach God  & Bible / but they never read a book

Matter of fact 

Some of their mission is of misogyny

Matter of fact

they use their religion to promote their patriarchy / to abuse

To be homophobic / to hate

To start wars / to make excuses

For what they do and do not do

God...is their scapegoat / when they fight or steal / to get a new logo’d coat or kicks

whatever the media says is the top picks

It's all about things / guns / thugs / white collar mug

Red / Blue

Republican / Democrat / or

Bloods / Crips

all of ‘em on some Jesus trip, but they still takin sides / loyal to clicks

But where is their compassion? 

The apex of my heart feels pain / physically / metaphorically 

It needs some things to change

It might cease to beat / before things do

God’s children won’t help

But will you?

I'm different / but u & me...we r the same 

And I need a crusader

Unity in diversity / I'm delivering it / to u 

Eat it / taste it / spit it / repeat it 

Save our earth / save our animals / save our people 

Tell those 1% to vacate they high throne 

Cuz those mortgage lenders took ½ a trillion in 0% loans / from our 

Federal Reserve 

But won’t reduce the interest rate for those working / and leave them / Foreclosed

Black men / you are not as one dimensional as the media / including BET /

have made you out to be 

You got to turn the tide / you got to deliver some powerful messages

Don't let the white man buy ur soul 

Use ur time on the mic wisely / don’t reduce yourself

to an illusion of control

Re-write our history

Will you?

Cuz I got a pain in the apex of my heart

I'm The ArtistCG 

And this Is my poetry

Evolution / in progress 

Matter of Fact

On the topic of the These Boots post...I have decided I am not going to make the video the same as I had envisioned it with Joyce.  If she has chosen not to be in this, then Ima just go my own way.  Of course, the themes that are important to me will be ever-present--prolly even mo so.

Weaved together a poem today from a bunch of scribbles I been scratchin in one of those 99c Composition lined notebooks.  Callin it Matter of Fact.  I'm not sure that this will be the content of the new video, but it might be!  Visions keep fillin my mind of how it's gonna play out.  I'm excited about the Bollywood ending, and all the characters in my life that I can cram into that little melting pot of an ending.  Also, thinkin about who all can be climbin outta my Caddy!  I want some of my regular Top Models in it fo sho!  Now, I might rock some boots in the video still..but the theme is not gonna be These Boots.  I'll prolly rock some sneakers n stilettos too cuz that's how i do!  I'll def rock some fedoras - cuz that's my kinda swag.

Aight?

Aight!

Oh...and last nite I watched the 1st Underworld - so that threw me off my bloggin too.  (excuses, excuses)  Damn....I forgot how good it was!  The main chick n dude are sooo damned cute!  And she's sooo bad ass!  And she's back for the 4th one comin out today, so I gotta watch #2 & #3 then find my way to the IMAX and get the 3D action on 4!  Yeah Baby Yeah!!!!!

These Boots (Update)

The poet I wanted to collab with on a video--Joyce Conley--has dropped out.  These things happen, life gets hectic.  I'm contemplating if I want to change the These Boots theme or not.  It began with my idea to film a music type video with spoken word, to have the female empowerment thing hittin with a 1-2 punch!  Of course Joyce was my go-to girl!  She won me over with her poem Preconceived Notions long ago.  She mentioned liking the song These Boots Are Made For Walking, and I said "that's it!  it'll be about boots!"  But, it will feel odd doing it without her.  :(  I do have a girl who does sign language who said she'll sign for my spoken word--YAY!  That will open the audience to the hearing impaired, and I'm geeked about that!  Though I'll have lots of other people as extras in the video, I didn't want this to be a one-woman show.  I'll figure it out.  I like to tell myself that everything happens for a reason.


I read an interesting article in the Sunday New York Times The Rise Of the New Groupthink: Collaboration is in. But it may not be conducive to creativity.

The article brings up many strong points that I believe to be true, but wasn't sure if it was just me, trying to rationalize the reason behind my being so solitary for the majority of my life.  I tell myself that perhaps I'm meant to be alone so that I can bring my creative ideas to fruition.  Working--though I like my job--is often painful to my psyche, who would rather be following through on some of my minds creative ideas.  I spend the majority of my time alone, and I'm comfortable with this--to a degree.  I long for a companion, but there is no way I could be with anyone who would dare stifle my creativity!!!  I need to get out and get social periodically, but even with that, I want to spend my time on something that will inspire me further, and allow me to grab some good photos.

The portion of the article on brainstorming groups was especially enlightening.  I think I probably blew it with Joyce by having her and I meet with Chris to brainstorm.  I already had my idea solidified.  I should have just assigned the tasks individually, and then allowed us to come together when it was time to rehearse or film.  Joyce could have went off and written her own thing--which I have complete faith in her that it would be as deep to the point as I would want it to be.  Sitting there with the intention to discuss my vision for the video with Chris (had already ran it by Joyce), the topics strayed.  Joyce and I have varying viewpoints on some things, and that's ok, but it shouldn't have entered into this creative project.  I might come off as bossy, but it's just that my visions and my goals with my art are just that...mine.  For example, my desire to include diverse people in my various art projects to promote my overall message of unity in diversity and acceptance.  My In the Bedroom series included many models of diverse backgrounds, but I was in charge, and they willingly and happily cooperated--it was not a collab, there was no brainstorming, it was my brainchild and I guided them through their segment of it.  With my photo projects, and with my art project Hung Out to Dry, I am the director.  Those participating bring with them their own individuality.  I don't wish to turn them into something they are not--I value them as they are--but I direct to keep the vision fluid.

Still, this new adventure of moving in the direction of film is a learning experience for me.
Everyone is free to do whatever they want to do as a human being or an artist.  When it comes to a vision I have it's difficult to budge me.  I take the lead.  But, if Joyce invited me to do something she had an idea for, I'd follow.  If Chris is the creative mind behind a film project and he asks me to participate, and I do, then it's his game...it's teamwork, but not groupthink so-to-speak.  Expressing ideas is fine, but coming to a stalemate is no good.  Someone has to direct.  He's ready to film this video, is open to my ideas, and I'll value his input and expertise when it comes time to do the filming aspect, but it's still my storyline so-to-speak.  Can u dig it?

Aight...now go read that article and share your thoughts with me!


Images from Hung Out to Dry during Art Peers Fall Festival 2010:

 

 

   Standing is Kwame, who I want to be a part of the video too

 

Here's Joyce!  :)

New Age Nostalgia - Poem

A Poem by Colette

This is like a conversation between 2 sides of the brain from past and present, can be read from top to bottom or as 2 separate poems--1 left aligned, the other indented.

New Age Nostalgia

He wants to take me to a strip bar

He hasn’t even taken me for coffee

I have been a deliberate coquette since I was 4 years old

I sat next to a neighbor boy at the piano, watching him tap

the ebony and ivory keys

I tackled him, to move in for a kiss that was not received

He doesn’t know how to deliver affection

He doesn’t know how to play...with me

I played cars...with boys

Climbed trees...buildings

I have been a boy girl since I was 5 years old

He wants me to send him raunchy photos

He wants to believe his dick will bring me closer to God

I went to mass with my mother

Loved her more than any Lord that could possibly exist

Believed in her love, questioned everything else since I was 6...

When my Me’Me’ died

He hasn’t asked what I’ve seen...where I’ve been

He doesn’t know where I’m trying to go

I studied National Geographic magazine

Went to the Kennedy Space Center

I was perhaps an agnostic Catholic when I was 8 years old

He ignores, but doesn’t want to be ignored

He hasn’t been taught how to treat a woman proper

            I’ve been a rebel since I was 13

I made a fast exist at 16

            Control by force wasn’t fitting for me

           

He wants my lips, my hands...my hips

He doesn’t engage my mind, my heart...my soul

            I’ve been lugubrious since I was 3 years old...

            when I saw a ghost of a man standing by my crib

            I am sentient as all animals...

and clairsentient in my enlightened years...

            I feel the suffering of others...and shared energy with a whale

He doesn’t want to know anything about me

He can’t peel back any of my layers....

He can’t even get close enough to touch one.

            I am a zedonk.

            I am black and white...

            and full of grey matter

            I am a unique masterpiece under an azure sky...

            but rarely looked up to, until I die.

He can’t see...ME

because I’m inside this body....

my spirit...free

and his mind...

can only think of what his dick wants to do to...me

Why I Write

 Just sharing a poem with a summary of  Why I Write

The link will take you to my poem at WritersCafe.  For anyone who really cares to have a better understanding of me, there are clues in my words.

She's Baaaaaaaaaaaack! hahahahaha!

So...I'm making a New Year's 2012 resolution to write in this blog daily...I'm started today--why procrastinate?!  I'm just gonna write about whatever gets into this pretty, yet strange, often highly intellectual, yet goofy, little head, and yet big brain of mine!  Maybe I'll touch on politics or religion.  I'll definitely talk about male/female relationships, and LGBT friendly conversations.  You know--well now you do--I'm all about supporting diversity, yet finding unity within our diversities.  I like to take photos...so there will be images.  I'll share an occasional poem with you.  I'll interview artists, writers, musicians, and people of interest.  If I watch a film and it moves me somehow, I'll share it.

Here's a link to my fav movie scene ever!  crazy ass dance scene in Wild at Heart by David Lynch

I watch documentaries and foreign films that are thought provoking.  I watch tripped out films.  Sometimes I just like to laugh!  I'm compiling a list of some of my favs, so I'll post that here and add to it along the way.

Yesterday, my friend and fellow poet Joyce Conley discussed how we want to take our poetry to the next level.  Last August we delivered some empowering spoken word to the guests at a Women's Equality Day dinner to support the NOW  National Organization for Women and in celebration of the 19th Amendment giving women the Right to Vote.

Gosh, I just teared up watching that clip, and I don't know if it's cuz I can't stand how dorky I look, or I was actually touched by my own words--I think both!  haha!  Anyway....Joyce and I would like to participate in more events such as this one to help support non-profit organizations, and be the change we wish to see in the world (as Gandhi suggests!).  With our poetry we want to educate and uplift.  We are going to begin creating video versions of our poems with the help of Chris Penney--our local bad ass film producer dude!  And trust me...we are gonna look way more fly in these videos!  We wanna give ya'all something sexy to look at, something silly to laugh at, something cool to listen to (yeah, we'll add some jams) and most importantly SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!

WRITE ON!

Oh...and lemme throw this one in here too where Joyce did a dedication poem for ME!
at the Avant Garde 2434!  Love U Gold n Bold girl!